Always Daddy's Baby Girl

Always Daddy's Baby Girl November 19th 2011, my life was changing and I didn't know it at the time. I had been feeling down, confused, and upset and just didn't know what to do with my life. I guess you could say that it was a turning point, a new chapter in life. It was a Saturday morning, I woke up and had a burden. I couldn't do anything that day but just pray and talk to God. I didn't really feel like I was getting anywhere. I text a few friends and kinda told them what was going on, and continued to pray for answers. That afternoon, I surrendered my whole heart to God. I told Him no matter what happened in my life, I would always serve him and be thankful no matter what. Whatever He wanted me to do, I’d do it, and I’d fight not just for myself, but for lost souls around me. I didn’t care what happened, God was more important to me than anything. I wanted to be more like Him. I wanted to see how He See's people, how He looks at people’s situations and their lives, and how He cares about them. I didn't know that just a few weeks later He’d test my faith and I would go through a battle I never thought was possible to come out of on the winning side. For my Dad’s birthday, He wanted a nice clean house to wake up and enjoy. So, on November 30th, I had the chance to straighten up the house and get all the Christmas decorations out. He got to wake up on to a beautiful December day! I had school on the 1st, so I didn't really get a chance to talk to him, I let him sleep thinking I’d see him after school and enjoy a nice evening together out as a family. After school, my mom picked Rue and me up and we went to the store to buy a cake, candles, and birthday cards. They didn't have the cake, so we just got the candles and cards. When we got back to the car my mom said that dad had called and wasn't feeling good, threw up, and wanted to go to the doctor. We rushed home and when we got there, he was sitting on the porch sweating really bad, and holding his chest. He barely made it to the car because he was in so much pain. He said “ I think I'm having a heart attack.” I just figured he had a stomach virus and that he would be alright in a little while. Once my dad got into the car, mom took off and at the time I didn't know it, but she called papa and was taking him right to the E.R. My Nana called a few minutes later and asked if me and Rue were ready to go. I asked “where?” and she said “To the E.R, your dad might be having a heart attack.” I started to worry, but I didn’t want my brother to know everything that was going on. He overheard me talking and asked me if our daddy was gonna die. I said no, he was gonna be alright. We hurried and got our things together and rushed up there. I had mixed emotions walking in. It was the first time I’d been there since Nana Kathy died. We waited in the waiting room for several hours. My mom came out and asked me if I wanted to go back and see him. I did because I didn’t know how bad he really was. We got back there, and he was on the end of the bed literally hollering and crying out in pain. I didn't expect to see him like that. I couldn't stand to watch. I went outside the room wondering what on earth was happening to my dad. I stayed in the hallway a few minutes listening to my dad ask in fear if he was dying. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get out of there.I found my way back to the waiting room to my Nana, Papa, aunt Leah, Aaron, and my brother. I didn't really know what to think. I was shocked, scared, and worried. A little bit later I went outside and was giving the family an update when Bro. Waldrep came and told me my dad had pancreatitus. I didn’t know what that was, and he explained a little about it to me. I called all the family, gave them an update, and went back inside. They were preparing to transfer him to a regular room. I was around 11Pm or so when we finally left. Rue and me went home with Papa and Nana to get some sleep, planning to go to school the next day. As I went to bed, I prayed that everything would be okay, and my dad would be fine. That's when I realized I didn't even have the chance to tell my daddy happy birthday. I cried myself to sleep that night. Little did I know that this was just the beginning of this crazy nightmare. The next day, My mom called and said she needed my help cleaning her house that she usually cleans on Friday’s, so me and Nana went to help her. My brother and Benny stayed at the hospital while we were gone. We got the house finished, and I headed up there. Me and Aunt Jenny stayed up there that night. I got maybe about three hours of sleep. My dad slept good that night, about ten hours straight. My aunt left around 4 or 5AM and did not want to wake me up,so around 6Am when the doctor came in, it was just me and daddy. The doc brought us bad news. He said that my dad’s kidney’s weren't working right and dropped to just working about 49% and that he needed to be moved to ICU as soon as possible. I was shaking and terrified, but my daddy needed me to be strong for him. He asked the doctor if he was going to die, and the doc said “Well, I cant give you that answer right now.” I can still see the worried look on my daddy’s face as he looked up at me. I kept reassuring him that is was all going to be okay, and that he would be just fine. I called my mom and told her, and she hurried up there. They were just moving him when she got there. We went to the ICU waiting room for what seemed like forever while they set him up. He was on a lot of medicine and not really himself. That night, I went home with Casey. I got a nice long rest of about 10 hours:) Sunday morning, I called my mom to see how dad was, and they had been up all night. Poor mommy, all the medicine made dad crazy! He was not himself at all. Me and Casey went to bring my mom home to take a nap. I didn’t want her driving as tired as she was. I hate seeing my mom upset, so I had to be strong for her. I am not a perfect daughter, but I tried to step up and go beyond normal for both my parents. We went back to the hospital later on that night. Daddy spent 5-6 days in the ICU. The last night he was there, I stayed with him. I didn't get any sleep but maybe an hour or so. That morning they gave him some medicine and he was getting ready for a CT scan. They said he was ready to be moved to a regular room. While in ICU, I learned that his pancreatic enzymes that his pancreas usually produces numbers were normally (5-75) and his were 4,700 something. And that one night the doc said my dad had internal bleeding somewhere, and he almost ordered a blood transfusion, but checked one more time, and everything was normal. He said it was a flute or mistake, but I say it was God=) While I was waiting on him to get back from his CT scan, I waited in the waiting room thinking all this through. My mom and papa got there a little bit later and we visited for a while, then I went home with Papa. That night, I wrote a poem. Who knew how much I would need it later on. Daddy was in the hospital 20 days. December 1st - 20th. We were very surprised when he got sent home. We didn’t think he was ready. They just sent him home with nothing but his medicine and he had been on oxygen that day was it was just 90. The normal or what they would like it to be is above 94 at least. I was happy he was home for Christmas though!=) Our family grew really close together through all this. My dad and I got along and he was very proud of me! I feel good having had the chance to finally prove how much I love him. I stayed with uncle Phillip and Aunt Jenny a day or two while mom took dad to the doctor. He had an appointment Wednesday and Thursday. The cyst he had next to his pancreas was 17 centimeters wide. His breathing was good some days, and others he had short, shallow breaths, and he sweat a lot. Thursday night his oxygen was low (87-89) and his breathing was horrible, and he was sweating so much mom decided to call his home health nurse. Somewhere during the time he got home, till Friday morning,he had lot of faith, encouragement, and trust in God. Me and mom were worried but he kept telling us “Every thing's gonna be alright.” Around 11PM Thursday night, when mom called the nurse, she said his symptoms sounded like heart problems, and he needed to go to the ER right away. Me and Mom begged him to go, but he didn't want too. Steve Young and Papa came to pray for him. After his appointment Wednesday, a knot appeared on his right shoulder and his neck was very sore and stiff. He also had a rash on his hands and feet. We had a good prayer meeting that night and daddy prayed stronger than ever before. He got a good touch. When they left it was a little bit after midnight, and he wanted to go to bed. We kept asking him how he was and he kept saying “I’m okay.” and “Every thing’s gonna be alright.” and “Where’s your faith?” He was confident and trying to encourage us. When he went to bed he said “I’m gonna go get some rest, Some good rest.” We let him go to bed only if he promised he would let us take him to the ER if anything changed. He said okay. I went to on to bed , and mom did a little while later. I woke up several times throughout the night to check on him. He was up every time. I asked him if he was okay, and he repeated every time “I'm alright, and, Everything gonna be okay.” Around 6:00AM on December 30th, He wanted me to go and get his newspaper. I was half asleep, but I went ahead and got it. He was up and reading it and eating ice. I laid back down, waking up often until about 7:50-8:10. He went to the bathroom and mom helped him. When they took his vitals that morning they were very low. She thought it was just the machine so she took the batteries out and took it again, but they were still low. She helped him, and she said his face was grey, and his eyes didn't look right. She heard a crash in the bathroom, so she went to help him. He said he was okay, just needed some rest, he wanted to go back to bed instead of taking a shower. Mom helped him to the hallway and she said he was more weak with each step he took. She hollered for me and he was falling to his knees as I reached him. I asked him if he just wanted to rest a minute, and at first, he said “Yeah, let me rest a minute,” then he said “No, I can make it to the bed.” He crawled the rest of the way with me and mom helping him as much as we would. Once he reached the bed, he tried to pull his top body onto it, but he was so weak. He looked up at me, and his eyes and face looked weird, but I thought if we can just get him to bed, he’d rest and be fine. He told us “pull my legs up.” We did...and his last words were “Turn me over, I'm too weak.” Me and mom turned him over, and as soon as we did....I seen his face.. He wasn't moving.. He wasn't blinking.. and black stuff (old blood) was coming from his mouth.. It scared me so bad. I didn’t expect to see that face.. I started screaming and running around crazy. I grabbed the phone and called papa on the home phone, and 911 with the cell... Mom called pastor. He was the first one there..In seven minutes. I called everyone I could think of to have them to pray. mom was giving him CPR. Pastor helped when he got there. Papa came..then the firetrucks.., and Sis. Howard. Nana got there just a little later. EMSA got lost. I got in the car, drove to the end of the street, to try to help them find it, but Pastor came and told me to go back to the house to be with my family. I’ve never been so scared in my life. Seeing my dad’ face....it terrified me. They worked on him almost an hour and a half at home before they went to the hospital. I rode with Papa, Nana and my brother (mom was with pastor) to Sapupla St. Johns..They didn’t have the right equipment so they transferred him to St. Francis. He kept going into cardiac arrest. By the time we made it, it was 10AM something. In the Emergency ICU, I went back to see him. He was big,puffy, and didn't look like himself at all..It scared me to look at him that way. I held his hand for a while, They said he was in a coma. I didn’t know that was the last time I would ever touch my daddy again.. I didn't go back to see him again..I couldn't..It was too painful and scary to see him that way.. They moved him to 5th floor, medical ICU. I felt so bad that I couldn't make myself go back there.., but it traumatized me. He was about the same..His kidneys were shut down, very low blood pressure, no brain activity..Just the life support kept his body, well, heart going. Around 3-4 in the morning, me, Rue, and Steve went to pray in the chapel. We had a good prayer meeting. That's when I realized that my daddy was in heaven.. that he went to be with Jesus.., and I had to let him go physically.. I had to realize he wasn't going to be with us in the flesh anymore.. It hurt SO much...but I just knew I had to let my Daddy go... I felt a very calm and peaceful feeling after that. I knew my daddy was with Jesus. He got to see Nana Kathy! He finally got to see his momma..he missed her so much. God had healed him completely..Not just of Pancreatitis, but of all sadness and sorrow and pain..He made my daddy whole... After that, I headed back up to the waiting room. That night/early morning was full of mixed emotions. I had never cried or hurt so much in my life! I tried to get some sleep, but it was hard. I may have gotten an hour or two, if that. I had been up for about 40 hours through all this. Around close to 9AM, the nurse comes back to tell me they are about to take him off of life support . I said okay. Then papa told me he might not make it. That’s when I realized it was finally happening.. I knew his spirit was in heaven..but I hurt knowing my daddy would never be with me anymore.. No more talks..hugs..butterfly kisses..arguments..phone calls.. no more my daddy checking on me every five minutes being the protective daddy that he was.. no more laughs together...no more crying together... Then with the future, My daddy wouldn't be here to tell me happy birthday any more...see me get my first car..graduate..or what every girl loves to dream about, her daddy walk her down the aisle on her wedding day and give her away.... There is SO much I wont have anymore. I miss him so much..I think about him everyday, all the time.. But, I am very thankful of the memories I do have with him, and for the time I got to spend with him. I’ll cherish those memories, both good and bad, and I’ll always keep them close to my heart. I am very thankful for the time God allowed for me to have such a wonderful, Godly, loving example, of an amazing person, someone who’s made it to their reward and left a path behind for us to follow. He would have been so proud of how many people were at his funeral and how respected he was. He touched so many people’ lives. He had an amazing going home party! I never realized until now how much my dad meant to a lot of people. He was an amazing influence. He loved winning people to God. He cared about a lot of people. He always wanted to help others. He was the least selfish person I knew and I want to follow in his footsteps and start up where he left off. I’m not an amazing person like my daddy was, but I want to let God use me and make my daddy proud. Nothing will ever take my daddy’s place or fill the hurt, but God can help cope and heal. He’ helped us this far, I know He can take us all the way. My momma, Rue and me are going to finish winning souls to God through my dad’s testimony. He’s not here in the flesh, but he’s more alive than ever. I cant wait for the day the trumpet sounds and we all get out of this place! I have never been so homesick before..I cant wait to go home...to see Jesus, and my daddy again... I’ll always be my daddy’s baby girl. AlWAYS. Ive just got to remember that every thing’s gonna be okay, and that we WILL make it,and we have hope to see him again just like God promised.....Someday Soon. -Rachel B.